Yeah, I just went there

Why is it called getting stoned? Terms like 420, joint, roach, bong, etc. all have origins but the term 'stoned' seems to remain a mystery. Obviously you don't turn into a stone, my fingers still 'fing' ;)

Short Term Memory

Sorry that I haven't posted a new quote in a few days, I must have had short term memory loss and forgot I had this website :) More stoner quotes coming real soon!

Stoners Are Friendly

"It really puzzles me to see marijuana connected with narcotics dope and all of that stuff. It is a thousand times better than whiskey. It is an assistant and a friend."
    -Louis Armstrong

Coke Sucks

"Marijuana is not a drug! I used to suck dick for coke! You ever suck dick for MARIJUANA?"
    -Bob Saget (Half Baked)

Words That Lie

"They call them fingers but I never see them fing."
    -Otto

Is it just me, or would The Simpsons be awesome if they made a stoner version with green characters instead of yellow?...

Help Me Out Here

What is the opposite of being up for doing something? Because it's not being down with doing something..

Classic

A friend with weed is a friend indeed.
    -Anonymous

Stoner Quotes

"Well I was looking for some famous stoner quotes and I found a page full of different quotes. Here ya go."
    -Mark Twain

He must not have seen my website..

South for the Winter?

Where do carnies go for the winter?

Undecided Giggles

I'm not sure which word is funnier, gooch or taint...

Don't Be A Hypocrit

"See I think drugs have done some good things for us. If you don't think drugs have done good things for us then do me a favor. Go home tonight and take all of your records,tapes and all your CD's and burn them. Because, you know all those musicians who made all that great music that's enhanced your lives throughout the years? Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreal fucking high on drugs, man."
    -Bill Hicks

Words Are Hypocritical

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Got The Munchies

Jesus spelled backwards sounds like sausage.

Think Clearly

"Because the pot takes the edge off the adrenaline, and it also clears your mind of it, and then you can see things a lot clearer."
    -Tommy Chong

Should Have Inhaled

“When I was in England, I experimented with marijuana a time or two, and I didn’t like it, and I didn’t inhale, and I never tried again.”
    -Bill Clinton


“When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point.”
    -Barack Obama

A Betting Game

"Drugs are a bet with your mind."
-Jim Morrison

I'd take that bet except that marijuana isn't a drug..

Not So Fun After All

"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."
    -Mitch Hedberg

Damn Oranges

An orange is named after the color that it is AND nothing rhymes with it. Seems kind of selfish if you ask me..

Why Is Pot Still Illegal?

"To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a mistake."
    -Bill Hicks

Yup

"So what if I'm smokin' weed onstage and doing what I gotta do? It's not me shooting nobody, stabbing nobody, killing nobody. It's a peaceful gesture and they have to respect that and appreciate that."
    -Snoop Dogg

The only thing he's killing is his weed, but it was dead well before bringing it on stage..

Depends How You Look At It

"There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
    -Steven Wright

Crash?

Why do 5 Hour Energy commercials always talk about that 2:30 feeling? I never crash until at least 4:20. ;)

Great Advice For Stoned Writers

Doug Benson and I think alike. :)

"I have to have a pen nearby whenever I smoke pot, because I’m going to come up with some stuff I have to write down. It might not all be great, some of it might be nonsense, but weed always helps me come up with some gems"
    -Doug Benson

What Are You Doing?

What are you doing with your life?

"If you ain't got no job and you ain't smokin' no weed, I don't know what the fuck you are doing wit yo life."
-Katt Williams

Too Old To Drive

I think that all drivers over 65 should be required to watch South Park's Grey Dawn from season 7. Hopefully they'll get the hint.

Escalators Don't Break

"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs."
    -Mitch Hedberg

Something Seems Fishy

Just a random thought. Eating Fugu is like nature's Russian Roulette, but with a little bit less bullets..

Doggie Bag

And you thought YOUR bag tasted like shit:

"Hey, whats in this shit man." -Cheech
"Mostly maui wowie, but its got some Labrador in it." -Chong
"Whats Labrador man?" -Cheech
"Its dog shit. My dog ate my stash so I had to follow him around with a little baggy for 3 days. It really blew the dogs mind." -Chong

Fly Safe

Here's a good classic that I hear all the time, not sure who started it, though:

"Don't drink and drive, smoke and fly!"

Dangerous

This is how harmless getting stoned is:

“The reason we're so dangerous is because we're totally harmless.”
    -Cheech Marin

Very True

Here's a quote from a brilliant stoner:

Cigarettes, I won't do cigarettes, nicotine will kill ya.

    -Tommy Chong

Side Effects

I love this quote from Katt Williams about the side effects of getting stoned:

"That's the side effects: hungry, happy, sleepy."
-Katt Williams

Dope > Money

"Dope will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no dope."
    -Freewheelin' Franklin.

Wonder what the conversion rate would be if marijuana was legal and if  someone cared enough to figure that out?

Hm

"The more you smoke, the less high you get."

This makes sense and doesn't at the same time. Think about it..